Reconstruction

1 Nov

Women, we cannot do what men do. Men, you cannot be children. Children, you cannot be grown.  I do think that the over independence of women, the passivity of men, and the expedited maturation of children has completely thrown off our society. A woman believes that now since we work, and can provide for ourselves, that a man is accessory, optional, or even unnecessary. We are grasping to find the utility of modern man. Meanwhile men have lost a major component of manhood-provision for family is rudimentary.  If a man is not allowed to be a man, he will not survive. Ladies, we know you can do it…but you don’t have to do it all.  Give a man a purpose, and he will perform. Men, stop feeling sorry for yourselves and step up. Show a woman why you’re needed. If she makes her own money, show her how that money doesn’t comfort her, hold her, support her, nurture her, make love to her…being a man isn’t about a money clip. Children…well this is loaded. Many are having to grow up before their time, but many others choose to. Enjoy your childhood. You have far less of that than adulthood, and trust me-its better. Can we please take it back to basics? (source)

I wrote that over the summer when contemplating how being American is killing Americans.  I went back to it when I was ruminating on how we can reconstruct the Black family.  What’s missing? There’s little point in arguing who is at fault (black fathers for being absent, black mothers for being emasculating, black children for being unruly) its a major crack in the foundation of our community, and we need to fix it.  Does it start with the black relationship?  Does it start with parenting? Which came first…it starts-in my opinion wherever you are.  If you are a mother, it starts with modeling healthy relationships with your husband or significant other for your children.  If you are a man, it starts with making smart decisions about your future and maximizing your potential.  If you are a child, it starts with understanding that mom and dad are human, they make mistakes, but you were not one of them.  We can succeed despite our circumstance.  The notion of it taking a village is not for nothing.  Black people, when will be bury spite, anger, hatred, and envy towards one another and begin to lift each other up?  When will we be sick and tired of being surround by the sick and tired, and start to reach out?  When will we be ready to reconstruct our community?

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2 Responses to “Reconstruction”

  1. An Athlete's Wife November 1, 2010 at 8:42 pm #

    I am so pleased that you wrote about this. I must first say that the writing was absolutely wonderful. I totally agree, but like you said where do we begin. In school I was pursuing a minor in African American Studies and we would learn so much about how our family dynamic changed so much if we would just read a little. Our men have been emasculated for years and the black woman was forced to stand in his place. Because this has become so common place many have forgotten that this is not the “order” that our Father set forth.

    I pray constantly for the day that our men will take their rightful places. The day that women will learn that we were not placed here to do it all by ourselves. The day that children have positive examples to follow and are provided the proper examples and values that will allow them the be the leaders that we desperately need.

    It is vital that the black family is restructured. It is vital to our survival as a community.

  2. Miki M. November 1, 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    This is a conversation that I’ve had with my boyfriend many times over. It’s exceptionally rich since we come from different home backgrounds, mine with divorced parents and a responsible but emotionally unavailable dad and a mom who picked up the slack, and he with his parents coming up on their 30th anniversary and a big family that does everything together. When we talk, he’s tougher on Black men than I am and his point is “Grow up, get over it, and handle business like a man” (Love him!) But while pondering on how we can fix the Black family structure I concluded that it’s the next generation that will do it. And they have to learn from us now. This means that we have to make a conscious effort to stop having children out of wedlock. Every child is a blessing, but the blessing is out of order and it creates tension and unnatural situations that puts a strain on the Black family. We have to embrace the “it takes a village to raise a child” mentality. Be a mother or father to a child that doesn’t have one. The beauty of our culture is that we all had multiple “mothers” and “fathers” in our lives that enhanced our upbringing. This fosters positive self-images as well as provide structure, expectations, and support for our young people which in turn will grow into adults with familiarity with what constitutes a healthy relationship and what a responsible and loving man and woman is.

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