Notes from an Educated Black man

2 Nov

I thought it might be a good idea to get some feedback on men about black women.  My first volunteer is a 26 year-old engineer with his own house, car, and ambitions…he also happens to always have a very strong opinion about things, so I asked him to give his opinion on the following:

  • What are your thoughts on black women?

I love black women. I think they’re analogous to the highly flawed city I am from, Memphis. I grew up here, I can relate to this place, and no matter how much someone wants to defame my city, it will defend it blindly and wholeheartedly. This is my relationship with the black woman (in general). This is not to say that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy Houston, Los Angeles, Chicago, hell even Knoxville has a special place, but Memphis forever will be home. As is the case with the black woman and I.

  • What are your thoughts on black men?

“They made us hate ourselves and love their wealth.” – Yeezy

I was at Wal-Mart yesterday. There was a tall beautiful shapely woman appearing to have just gotten off of work, buying groceries for her family. We passed, I nodded and smiled, she returned the same. This was me appreciating beauty. Fast forward: I’m leaving the food section to the toiletries and she’s in line and a group of about six young men come in and all stared at that ass like meerkats. Now, of course boys will be boys, but where’s the respect? Now this is a grown woman, and she probably could care less about this kind of attention but lets apply it to the younger, more impressionable women. Ergo, the half-naked teens running around your local mall. We’re oversexed. We want to live life like a music video with half naked women making us cheese eggs in the morning. We feel entitled to everything except hard work. We’d rather buy rims than tuition, rather buy Polo shirts than books. We don’t respect women and in return they expect very little from us. To many boys want to be men, and they think it’s something that happens with age. This simply isn’t so. So once you account for education disparity, incarceration, murder, THEN factor in that becoming a man is a matter of maturity and responsibility and not age… Black men are rare indeed. These boys all over your countertops like roaches though.

  • What are your thoughts on the black family?

The black family is on terror alert level red. It’s under attack, from all side. The feminists, the independent women, music, media, I believe it’s all playing a role in slowly breaking it all apart. It’s a fact that marriage rates are declining among all races in America, but black people have long had a head start on this. Too many children have watched their mother’s single handedly raise a family. The women grow up and mimic this, and it leaves us with boys with no father. Women will eventually learn to be women. But boys without active father-figures struggle a lot more. Sometimes I think I’m a minority when I actively declare that at some point I want a normal nuclear family. If you hear people talking, you’d think it’s an urban legend.

  • What is the most attractive feature in a woman?

This is going to sound cliché but if you know me, it would make sense. Her mind. I am a true to form nerd. I don’t require she have a PhD or anything, or to score at the genius level on an IQ test. But I enjoy an inquisitive mind, and a fearless one. One that actively seeks to learn. I love being asked questions, even if I don’t know them. She would challenge me to learn even more, and hopefully I challenge her to do the same.

  • What is the least attractive feature in a woman?

Being closed minded and or lazy. I have an adventurous spirit and an active personality. I can’t sit still too long, and I can’t remain “stagnant”. If her apprehension or closed mindedness is holding me, or us, back from being the best we can be… it’s going to grind my gears and eventually the train will come to a halt. The laziness I despise is in confronting one’s own demons. No one is perfect, but when life’s little imperfections make themselves apparent to you, its really sad to watch someone admit defeated with, “that’s just how I am”, or “I know it’s wrong but…”. If you know it’s wrong, do better. End story.

  • What is your biggest pet-peeve about dating?

*cracks knuckles* where to begin. Once upon a time, I would begin this with “Women. Are. Crazy.”… I won’t begin with that this time but bear with me. I’ve been single for about a year and a half now, and dated quite a few people in that time. My number one peeves is baggage. It’s one thing for a woman to be “dating” also and dealing another guy or guys when I come along and strike conversation. But this often isn’t the case. In time you always find out they’re dealing with one guy in particular, an ex. That can never do right, but they can never fully let go of. Younger me would back off a bit, and give distance. Older me, has no time, to compete with that. And 4 times out of 5 I swear this is the case. The other part of this are games. Black men and women do. Not. Trust. Each. Other. At all. So we play defensive-offense. Everyone is seemingly playing to avoid being played, and no one is winning. In 18 months of this, I’m just tired.

  • As a Black man, what is your single-greatest contribution to a Black Woman?

I respect, accept, and participate in traditional gender roles. A woman has to let me be the man, I was born to be. I want to support the woman that supports me. Now, I have a slightly more progressive view than men generations path may have in that, I don’t mind washing some dishes, clothes, cooking, etc. My parents had a strange dynamic where, my dad almost always had the “final say” on matters, but more often then not this never needed to be exercised because he entrusted my mom with decision. Almost like she was Chief of Operations but when things got sticky, he’d step in and set things right. I liked that. I want to be that.


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