Retail Value

17 Nov

A woman who doesn’t know her worth will put up with anything.  I’m not sure who coined that phrase but they sure hit the nail on the head.  This is not even necessarily about man/woman relationships, this is in general.  You will accept poor treatment from friends, family, co-workers, in addition to likely not taking care of yourself properly.  The thing is, you show people how to treat you.  If you do not see fit to take care of yourself, then neither will other people.

You accept what you believe you deserve.  I’m not sure who said that either, but it relates to knowledge of worth.  If, for example, you believe you are a bad person, only good for sex, and incapable of making your own decisions then its likely that in a relationship you may accept abuse (as affirmation of your poor character), promiscuity (as your only value is held between your legs), and manipulation (because someone has to be in control).

In speaking with my supervisor today, we remarked that the root of a lot of our client’s issues relates back to no self worth.  These women are beautiful, smart, ambitious, kind, loving, and repeatedly abused and mistreated.  I couldn’t help but think about something I read last night, it was a question posed, “why [do] we settle with flickers instead of holding out for flames? (source)” I sat with the question and decided that when you’re cold, you take the warmth you can get.  To put it in perspective, a person with no idea of their worth will be drawn to someone who gives them even a flicker of the things they lack the ability to see in themselves.  I refuse to say that they lack them, because I believe that everything we need to be whole is within us at all times.  This is how the beauty ends up with the deadbeat, or kids succumb to negative peer pressures.  Their identity is wrapped up in the affirmation of someone or something else.

The solution? Self-appraisal.  Get to know yourself, know your ins and your outs.  Note your strengths, and explore your weaknesses.  If you find repetition or cycles, then investigate!  You shouldn’t have the same problems you had a  year ago.  For example, your “friends” always call you to do things for them, but when you need the favors returned they are nowhere to be found.  Investigate! What are you getting from this?  Is it the feeling of being needed? Is it validation that you are important, or valuable? Ask yourself what other ways you can affirm those things.  If something doesn’t make sense then keep investigating until it does.  DIG! (This may be my word of 2010).

When you treat yourself as if you are special, important, priceless, beautiful, and rare then others will know no other way to treat you.  More importantly, those that don’t will not phase you because your sense of worth does not come from the retail value that someone else has placed on you.  Your value now comes from within.

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