8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive pt. 3

23 Nov

Clear Values

“Thriving couples do not need to be told to make their relationship a high priority; they do it automatically.  Their relationship is not incidental in their lives; it is central.  However difficult, they find ways to spend time together consistently, and in a wide variety of ways (46).”

Never underestimate the power of date night.  Both men and women need it in a relationship-especially one that is comfortable and broken in.  Your partner needs to know that they are a priority in your life, and that you are committed to your relationship; not just for the kids/house/family/etc.

I remember in a group counseling class I took lots of married couples spoke of the difficulty reestablishing the husband|wife relationship after kids; they became mommy|daddy.  Sometimes y our man needs to be husband and not daddy, and you need to be wife, not mommy.  For your sanity!  This is a partnership, right?  So don’t forget to prioritize the partnership.

Lots of times it can get easy to put career, or self above your relationship.  Those of things that you have considerably more control over as far as the outcome.  However, the support of your significant other that you receive is invaluable.  Nourish and nurture your relationship if you want it to keep growing.

…at any given moment you are doing exactly what you most want to do.  For example, if you are working late, you may say, “I really want to be home with my family,” but if you really wanted that most of all, you’d be there (47).

People, and especially men, do exactly what they feel 100% of the time.  Trust action, as words are far too easy.  If he says that you are important to him but you don’t feel it-then it isn’t true.  Regardless of if he is trying, if you don’t feel it then for you the effort isn’t there.  Communicate with your partner! If quality time is what you need to feel that love, then speak up and say that!  If its little notes and messages throughout the day, the communicate that and give him the opportunity to make it better.  If he is unwilling to listen or to make that effort, then there are other issues at play here, and clearly your values are not in alignment.  If family is the most important thing to you, but career is the most important thing to him–that speaks volumes.  Even if he sees that achievement in his career means provisions for his family, you know that if it comes between a promotion and working extra hours vs. coaching little league his decision may be a no-brainer.  These are things to discuss as a couple.  Where do your values lie, and how do you prioritize?

 

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