Forgiveness is for YOU

27 Nov

Two years ago, I was told those very words, “forgiveness is for you.” I wasn’t ready to receive that message though.  I was also given four steps to overcoming hatred

  1. Pursue Progress
  2. Refuse Revenge
  3. Forgive Freely
  4. Part Peacefully

I wasn’t ready for that either.  As I was explaining the burden of hate to a friend of mine, I realized that somewhere in the last two years I had internalized this notion and lived those steps; I am now thinking about how.

First of all, carrying hate or ill-will, for someone is just exhausting.  It usually presents as anger, but at its core is hurt and disappointment.  They hurt you, in an unimaginable way, often repeatedly and you have just grown weary of dealing with them, so you don’t–but every time their name is mentioned or you have to see them all those feelings come swirling to surface.  When you get tired of being tired, start forgiving.

This is what it means to pursue progress.  Get out of the cycle of being hurt, and start working towards reconciliation, again this is not for the other person, this is so you do not have to feel the things that you feel that weigh you down.  The next thing that will happen shortly after you decide to heal this hurt is that you will refuse revenge.  It serves no purpose.  Wanting them to hurt the way you do, would that make you feel better, or would that just make for two hurting people?

The third step is perhaps the most difficult and simultaneously the easiest.  Forgiving freely, is merely acceptance.  They are only human, they make mistakes, they hurt you and may not even know how much, but you will be okay.  When you press play on your life and move away from that past place of hurt you will see that you have been living through it all this time.  Your life has been passing you by as you sit in that hurt waiting for someone to heal you. Heal yourself.  Get up, brush yourself off, aknowledge, “I hurt,” then tell yourself, “I know, but it’s okay,” and keep walking forward.

Lastly, part peacefully–from the situation.  Did your mom hurt you because she was never the mother you thought she should have been?  Forgive her, she is human and perhaps she is hurting too.  It is likely she will never be the mother you expected, but you’ve gotten along without her so far, accept her as she is and continue living your life.  However it is that this person hurt you, whether you want to admit it or not, you are fine despite it.  If you know this person habitually lies, then accept them as a liar.  This doesn’t mean you have to cut them out of your life, you can still speak and be cordial and wish them well, just have caution in their words.  You have to set the boundaries, when you realize that everything you need to be whole, you have and always have had, you will know you can forgive them and move on.

Do you see how its for you?  Do you see how we cannot allow one person or one situation that hurt us change the person that we are?  Wake up, and move forward, leave the past in the past.  It’s only hard until it isn’t.

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